Right and Wrong According to Betty Spencer...

I was raised by a grandmother who was a Pentecostal Evangelist in the 1970's.  Now mind you, a woman evangelist in the 70's was a rarity.  She was a pioneer in her time and could bring the rafters down with her fiery fire and brimstone sermons.  Her voice was a gift of God and there's no one to this day who can come close to her rendition of "I Want to Stroll Over Heaven with You."  I stayed with her just about every day while my mom was working.  She adored me and I her.  To this day, there is  no one who can compare to her in my eyes.

Grandma Betty spent her mornings in her room crying out to God to save her family and to protect her precious son Stephen who was taken away from her in a tragic car accident at the age of 16.  Her Bible sat right beside her on her end table at the edge of her recliner.  It was worn and covered in red, blue, and black ink marks on her favorite passages. In the back she had handwritten a letter to God begging to know what she had done to cause him to take away her baby boy.  Sometimes I thot she believed God had forsaken her, but she never strayed from her faith and served her Lord until she passed away at the age of 67.

My Grandma Betty never asked me if I was gay. All she ever asked was there something I was hiding from her and from that, I believe she knew.   After she had passed I asked my PaPa if he knew.  His reply in his best southern voice was "Well, if you're talkin' 'bout your sexuality, I s'pose I do.  The Bible says its wrong but you're my granddaughter and I love you." Neither of them probably had a clue that I left Oklahoma and joined the Army so that they didn't have to defend my sexuality in our small town home and church.  I missed out on so many birthdays, anniversaries, cookouts with Grandma Betty's homemade banana ice cream and PaPa's pineapple orange sherbet.  But, times were different then and I never returned to Oklahoma until they both has passed.

I wish they both had made it this long for me to feel safe coming back here.  I know they would have continued to love me unconditionally regardless of any conflicts with their faith and I would have loved for them to meet my boys and wife.  I think they would be very happy for me simply because I am happy and that would be all they needed to know.  I know this because my grandparents taught me to love my neighbor.  To judge not, lest I be judged myself.  To treat others as you would want to be treated.  A lot of the time, I still wonder if people are going to judge me for being gay.  If they would get to know me only to find out I was gay and their opinions change.  In the past week, I have definitely been proven wrong in the form of some strangers reading, liking, sharing, and sending me thoughts about my blog.  They are folks I'm sure my grandmother would have loved and respected for the admiration they showed to their granddaughter.  I know I do.

As it turns out, I may be the one judging others.  I assume that they won't accept me for who I am once they realize I'm gay without giving them the benefit of the doubt from the beginning. I think it's time for some soul searching.

This month is gay pride month.  There's a lot of celebrations going on and folks standing out from the crowds to say they are gay.  I am celebrating a different kind of gay pride.  The kind that comes from knowing people accept me for who I am and that being gay does not define who I am, although it is a big part of me.  I've got a new outtake on life and I have many people to thank for this who have shown me their unconditional love regardless of their conflicts with my sexuality.  I like it.  I finally am starting to feel safe being gay in this world and for me, that is a very big deal. I mean, what else could you ask for in this life other than to be accepted for who you are.  Thanks folks, for proving me wrong.  I'm all the better for it.